Find at Least One Thing to Like About Everyone in the Room

I like you because...

It is said listeners have to believe in you as much as your message. This is what we call, having credibility. According to Dr. Robert Cialdini, in his classic, “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion,” likability is one factor of persuasion. “People prefer to say ‘yes’ to those they know and like,” Cialdini says. People are also more likely to favor those who are physically attractive, similar to themselves, or who give them compliments. Even something as ‘random’ as having the same name as another can increase your chances of building a relationship.

If they don’t like you, they won’t believe in you. Luckily, getting other people to like you is easy—they’ll like you if you like them. So you’ve got to find at least one thing to like about everyone in the room. I traveled a great deal in sales in financial services and then in legal after that. I make and keep friends wherever I go. I have over 14,000+ followers on social media and I'll bet I know at least 5,000 of them and I'll bet I like 4,999 of those 5,000. After all, people all want two things, to be heard and respected, and to loved and be loved. We are no different at a cellular level. It's human to want these things. It's humane to afford them.

Lawyers, especially litigators, are paid to be right, afraid to be wrong, know the answers before asking the questions, and thus are very risk-averse. They are generally poor communicators. These are traits most good litigators have. However, what often works well in the courtroom may be a detriment to the client relationship in the boardroom. Unlike the business-minded professionals who know the purpose of business is to create a client [customer, according to Peter Drucker], practitioners simply do not want to incorporate the changes that would facilitate the transition. They are reluctant to change. The following are some of the factors that prevent lawyers from relating to clients and developing business:

1. long-standing beliefs that selling (as they see business development) is not professional,

2. values and attitudes stemming from upbringing, education, or a prior bad experience (rejection) that become psychological roadblocks,

3. other issues such as ego, attitudes about “asking” rather than “telling,” and

4. erroneous assumptions about how people view things, personal styles, generational beliefs, giving up too soon, and blocks to understanding what the client truly wants/needs.

A general lack of a robust communication skill set is another reason practitioners of law may fail to attract new business, retain current clients, and/or expand client relationships. Communication scholars such as Irwin Rubin (Rubin, McIntyre, & Kolb, 1984) have developed assessment instruments that can provide accurate evaluations of a person’s behavioral skills used in client interviews, group discussions, and public presentations. Through observations, they have noted that the skill sets of certain types of individuals include phenomena such as speaking rate, eye contact, active listening, language, and tone, as they relate to the situation at hand. Lawyers often know how to communicate effectively to the jury in a trial, but rarely know how to communicate effectively with clients.

Why not train lawyers how to fine-tune their own personal story like marketers do with buyer personas, and then deliver that compelling story into moving words jurors, prospects or clients can understand rather than technical language or legalese?

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Get Shut Down Often Enough & Eventually You'll Shut Up

According to the social scientists who study communication theory, language serves its creators (and those who belong to the same groups as its creators) better than it serves those in other groups who have to learn to use the language as best they can. This is the case because the experiences of the creators are named clearly in language, whereas the experiences of other groups are not. Due to their problems adapting to a language they did not create, people from other groups appear less articulate than those from groups like the creators. Sometimes these muted groups create their own language to compensate for their problems with the dominant group’s language. This is known as, “Muted Group Theory” (MGT).

Are women silent?

Or are are their voices simply not heard?

Some of us are members of a law firm culture with a long history. Others of us belong to law firm cultures that have recently found prominence.

Different firm cultures are coming into conflict more and more these days:

• Mergers and acquisitions have become a central part of firm life, and they almost inevitably involve one firm adopting the culture of another in the process of integration.

• Many of these mergers and acquisitions are taking place across national boundaries, as part of the process of globalization. This increases the chances that cultures will clash.

• Firms are involved in a huge number of ventures, loose alliances, and outsourcing contracts that force them to work in close contact with different cultures.

• Firms themselves are seeking to build a more diverse workforce, recruiting more women and minority groups. This too is increasing the chances of culture clashes within firms.

Let’s think about four communication theories that fall under “Culture and Diversity”: Face-Negotiation Theory, Communication Accommodation Theory, Muted Group Theory, and Feminist Standpoint Theory. These theories represent a cross-section of what it means to be a member of a cultural community and because each theory, in some way, provides some evidence of the expansiveness of culture. Each of these theories takes into consideration what happens when we communicate with people who come from different cultural backgrounds and with different cultural expectations.

Muted Group Theory Assertions

A woman is a member of a group whose power base does not allow her to express her voice, or even to always hear her own voice in her head. Often women have experiences that are not well expressed in their own language system—a language system that was devised primarily by well-to-do men to represent their own experiences. According to MGT, women (and others) are muted because their language often does not provide a good fit with their life experiences.

MGT focuses on the power to name experiences and explains that women trying to use man-made language to describe their experiences is somewhat like native English speakers learning to converse in Spanish. To do so, they have to go through an internal translation process, scanning the foreign vocabulary for the best word to express themselves. This process makes them hesitant and often inarticulate as they are unable to use the language fluently for their purposes. In the process, muted groups metaphorically lose their voice (Wood, 2013).

Cheris Kramarae (1981), the researcher who adapted MGT for the field of communication, observes:

“The language of a particular culture does not serve all its speakers equally, for not all speakers contribute in an equal fashion to its formulation. Women (and members of other subordinate groups) are not as free or as able as men are to say what they wish, when and where they wish, because the words and the norms for their use have been formulated by the dominant group, men.”

Yet, it isn’t the case that all women are silenced and all men have a voice. MGT allows us to understand any group that is silenced by the “inadequacies” of their language. For instance, Kami Kosenko (2010) notes that MGT offers a heuristic explanation for how the transgender individuals in her study were “rendered mute by a biomedical discourse that fails to represent the transgender body or sexual experience.” Furthermore, muting may take place as a result of the unpopularity of the views that a person is trying to express.

Muted Group theorists criticize dominant groups and argue that hegemonic ideas often silence other ideas. MGT is a theory that examines power issues. As Cheris Kramarae (2005) observes, “people attached or assigned to subordinate groups may have a lot to say, but they tend to have relatively little power to say it.” Or if they do venture to speak, those in a greater power position may ignore, ridicule, or disrespect their contribution in a variety of ways. As Cheris Kramarae (2009) notes, muted groups “get in trouble” when they speak out in their own voices. Kramarae’s work on MGT led to insights about how the English language affects women’s communication behaviors. 

Women & Other Minority Groups

“...people attached or assigned to subordinate groups may have a lot to say, but they tend to have relatively little power to say it.”

Survey Results Show Recent Exposure to MTG

According to a recent article in “Big Law Business,” Kimberly Robison of Bloomberg Law writes:

"More than 50 percent of law school students are women and some 45 percent of associates at law firms, too. But less than 20 percent of those women ever make partner, Roberta Liebenberg, who heads the American Bar Association’s Presidential Initiative on Achieving Long-Term Careers for Women in Law, said Aug. 3 at an ABA panel during its annual meeting in Chicago. Liebenberg is a senior partner at Fine Kaplan and Black, Philadelphia.

Liebenberg and others announced the results of a new survey examining why those discrepancies exist. The final report will be out in September.

The results suggest that women 20 years out of law school are dissatisfied with their access to business development opportunities, salary, and access to mentors, among other things.

It highlights that women and men have very different experiences in the legal workplace."

READ MORE HERE:

https://biglawbusiness.com/experienced-women-report-dissatisfaction-at-law-firms/ 

Food for Thought

Thinking about women in business, or more precisely, in the law firm setting, how do you see Muted Group Theory playing out at your firm or at firms with which you might be familiar?

Don’t be shy, as this is not a unique phenomenon at any particular firm. It is a global one.

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A [Deadly] Bug

One of my biggest clients is now threatening to leave because of a bug in my software, a bug that took a while -- apparently too long -- to fix. This deadly bug has killed a deal.

A [software] bug is an error, flaw, failure or fault in a computer program or system that causes it to produce an incorrect or unexpected result, or to behave in unintended ways.

The client emailed me in frustration. She was certain to state that I am not the problem and that, in fact, my service is impeccable. Then she suggested I go work for the competitor. She made it clear she got what she needed from them.

I tried to calmly reply with fact-based information in a friendly tone. I even have a smile on my face. However, in a reply, the client explodes into an angry tirade because the bug will not be fixed for a month. She even Cc'd two other buy-decision makers at her firm. Because of this bug and the time it took to fix, the client is going to cancel their subscription to the software when renewal time comes up. Because of no fault of my own, I have lost a major client.

How should I have handled this situation?

I did my best to reason with this client, but nothing I said helped the situation. It was important that I knew when to let go, as the client only gets angrier if you push. Since I was not the problem, I did not want to become another one.

Many of us have to deal with angry or unhappy clients as part of our roles, and it's never easy. Those of us in the law firm setting have to deal with angry internal clients on occasion. But if we know what to say and, more importantly, how to say it, we may be able to save the situation. In fact, we can even end up with a better relationship with our client than we had before.

I came across some great tips from Mind Tools online and thought you could benefit from them too.

#1: Adjust Your Mindset

Once you're aware that your client is unhappy then your first priority is to put yourself into a client-centric mindset. 

This means that you set aside any feelings you might have that the situation isn't your fault, or that your client has made a mistake, or that he or she is giving you unfair criticism. In my case, the client was fair and acknowledged the issue was not with me. I was simply collateral damage. 

All that matters is that you realize that your customer or client is upset, and that it's up to you to solve the problem if able. Adjust your mindset so that you're giving 100 percent of your focus to your client, and to the current situation.

#2: Listen Actively

The most important step in the whole of this process is listening actively to what your client or customer is saying – he wants to be heard, and to air his grievances.

Start the dialogue with a neutral statement, such as, "Let's go over what happened," or "Please tell me why you're upset." This subtly creates a partnership between you and your client and lets him know that you're ready to listen.

Resist the temptation to try to solve the situation right away, or to jump to conclusions about what happened. Instead, let your client tell you his story. As he's talking, don't plan out what you're going to say when he's done – this isn't active listening!

Also, don't allow anything to interrupt this conversation. Give your client ALL of your attention.

#3: Repeat Their Concerns

Once he's had time to explain why he's upset, repeat his concerns so you're sure that you're addressing the right issue. If you need to, ask questions to make sure that you've identified the problem correctly.

Use calm, objective wording. For example, "As I understand it, you are, quite rightly, upset because we didn't deliver the samples that we promised you last week."

Repeating the problem shows the customer you were listening, which can help lower his anger and stress levels. More than this, it helps you agree on the problem that needs to be solved.

#4: Be Empathic and Openly Apologize

Once you're sure that you understand your client's concerns, be empathetic. Show her you understand why she's upset. And, make sure that your body language also communicates this understanding and empathy. Every day, regardless of the situation, we should listen with empathy -- not judgment.

For example, you could say, "I understand why you're upset. I would be too. I'm very sorry the software has a bug that cannot be fixed sooner, especially since it's caused these problems."

#5: If Possible, Present a Solution

Now you need to present her with a solution. There are two ways to do this.

If you feel that you know what will make your client happy, tell her how you'd like to correct the situation.

If you're not sure you know what your client wants from you, or if they resist your proposed solution, then give her the power to resolve things. Ask her to identify what will make her happy.

For instance, you could say, "If my solution doesn't work for you, what do you propose? If it's in my power I'll get it done, and if it's not possible, we can work on another solution together."

#6: Take Action and Follow-up

Once you've both agreed on a solution, you need to take action immediately. Explain every step that you're going to take to fix the problem to your client. When in crisis control mode, never promise to do something and fail to do it, especially if that's what got you into this mess in the first place.

If she has contacted you by phone, make sure that she has your name and contact details. This gives her a feeling of control because she can get hold of you again if she needs to.

Once the situation has been resolved, follow up with your client over the next few days to make sure that she's happy with the resolution. Whenever you can, go above and beyond her expectations. For instance, you could send her a gift certificate, give her a great discount on her next purchase, or send her a hand-written apology.

#7: Use the Feedback

Your last step is to reduce the risk of the situation happening again.

If you haven't already done so, identify how the problem started in the first place. Was there a bottleneck that slowed shipment? Did a sales rep forget to confirm an order?

Find the root of the problem and make sure it's fixed immediately. Also, ensure that you're managing complaints and feedback effectively so that you can improve workflow and processes.

Further Tips

• It's important to handle difficult customers professionally. Learning how to stay calm and cool under pressure can help you get through challenging situations with grace and professionalism.

• If your client is especially angry, then talk slowly and calmly, and use a low tone of voice. This will subtly help lower the tension, and ensure that you don't escalate the situation by visibly getting stressed or upset yourself.

• If your client has sent you a difficult email or they're angry with you over the phone, then offer to meet with him or her in person if you can to address the problem. This will not only diffuse anger (since it's harder for most people to get truly angry face to face) but it also shows that you genuinely want to address and fix the situation.

• If you feel that your client is being unreasonable, you might start to get upset, especially if he or she is criticizing you, or your organization, unfairly. Take a deep breath so that you can stay calm in these situations. Realize you must fix what you can and let the rest go.

• Occasionally a client or customer may become verbally abusive towards you or your team. Know in advance what you'll tolerate, and what you won't. Have boundaries. If things escalate, you may need to be assertive and stand up for yourself, or even walk away from the situation to give the client time to cool down.

• People on your team might be the ones on the "front line" when it comes to dealing with difficult clients need to know how to engage correctly in emotional labor.

• Work on improving conflict resolution skills. These skills can help you if you need to negotiate with your clients.

Key Take-Aways:

Dealing with difficult customers can be challenging. But if you handle the situation well, you may even be able to improve your relationship and create further opportunities.

Make sure that you listen actively to his problems or complaints, and resist the urge to interrupt or solve the problem right away. Be empathic and understanding, and make sure that your body language communicates this.

If you're not sure how to fix the situation, then ask your client what will make him happy. If it's in your power, then get it done as soon as possible. Follow up with your customer to make sure he was happy with how the situation was resolved.

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Don't Keep Calm, Go Change the World!

Men often find it hard to understand women, specifically, how they behave, their attitudes, their creativity, their feelings unless, like my husband, Mike, they have been influenced all their lives by women. We are wired differently, we lead differently and we make decisions differently. Our communication styles and personalities differ, as well. Great women support men and show them how to be successful communicators when dealing with other women. Great leaders, regardless of gender, make it a point to listen, learn, and then and only then, take action.

Some women are highly collaborative and are still masterful leaders. We enjoy team leadership and our own space and time. I march to the beat of my own drum and I am fine with that, I learned long ago that other people’s opinions of me are none of my business. Mike knows I am a strategist and problem solver, especially where others have failed. I prefer to be preventive, but sometimes that is not always an option. Most women leaders don’t quit until the job is done. Wise women are knowledge seekers, forever learners.

Women leaders enjoy good challenges – and seek to find meaning and purpose from each circumstance they face and opportunity they are given. They like to see and understand the connectivity. They want all the facts before making decisions. Competitiveness amongst themselves may often seek validation — an identity that matters and a voice that is heard. Successful, secure, mature women empower one another, yet they never rely on favors. Period. Women leaders earn respect and truly believe they can influence their own advancement by serving others — yes, by serving others. It is my belief that being personally fulfilled comes from living in service to others.

Collaborative team players — and often team leaders — they also seek to prove their value and self-worth by exceeding performance expectations — looking for respect more than recognition. Yep, the most successful women leaders don’t seek to become the star of the show — but they enable others to create a great show — influencing positive outcomes with maximum impact! That’s the ticket!

I will tell you this: Women understand survival, renewal, and reinvention. This woman most certainly personifies survival, renewal, and reinvention and I am not afraid to fight for what I believe in or stand for; doing more with less is simply a matter of knowing how to be strategic. Part of my strategy has been compassion. Yes, that’s right, compassion. Compassion as a strategy. Amazing concept, eh?

According to Glen Llopis, leadership expert: “Women often have strong leadership traits that go unnoticed or undervalued in a man’s world. Insecure people fear these traits, some being the following: 1. Opportunity-driven; 2. Strategic; 3. Passionate; 4. Entrepreneurial; 5. Purposeful and Meaningful; and 6. Traditions and Family”

Whether at home or at work, I am often the glue that keeps things together — ask James, ask Mike. I will take charge before circumstances force my hand and whether recognized for it or not, I give a good dose of preventive meds stat! All too often, Mike calls me in after someone else has waited too late to be as effective on an initiative or has gone too fast, too far down the wrong path, or is charged with a task they have no tools to complete, and so on. (sigh). My boys also know, women in general, are usually the ones to protect family — like a mama bear.

To the great women in my personal and professional life from New Orleans to Baton Rouge to Boston to London to Honolulu to the Bay Area, thank you for the opportunity to be inspired and mentored by your leadership (you know who you are). I’ve read many things about women in the workplace and their lack of advancement into senior executive roles and in the boardroom, and all I can say is “Women, next time any man tells you to calm down… DON’T KEEP CALM, GO CHANGE THE WORLD.”

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If You Want to Be a Speaker, Hone your Pitch!

Cindy Ashton writes: If you want to be a speaker, you’ll need to hone your pitch for the various associations hosting. Here are some great guidelines:

1. Who is your market (corporate is too broad for example but business development in legal is more specific)?

2. What is your point of view? What do you have to say that is radically different than other speakers in your topic and market? (And remember, it is NOT your story. It has to be a specific deliverable you can give to the audience that addresses their needs)

3. What are your 3 signature talk titles and description and for WHO (it needs to be specific and most speakers say anyone)

4. Prep your 300 word bio, 100 word bio and 100 word introduction

5. Have at least 2 high resolution pictures (one headshot, one in action)

6. A list of previous clients (choose your top 10 most recognizable ones)

7. A list of your top 5-10 media you have done

8. Your speaker reel

9. A video of you speaking continuously for at least 5-10 minutes. They need to see how you carry yourself in a longer clip

10. Testimonials

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Asking Good Questions is Often More Important than Having all the Answers

"Remember that there is nothing stable in human affairs; therefore avoid undue elation in prosperity or undue depression in adversity." -- Socrates, 469 - 399 B.C.

While it is important to provide the prospect / client with as much information as you can, it is also important to find out as much as possible about their business. In doing so, we might think about a strategy for the specific kinds of work on which we would like to partner with clients. The best way to do this is by conducting a Client Needs Assessment. The basis for conducting the assessment is simply to identify the client’s needs and objectives. It will also give you and the client the opportunity to brainstorm and create a plan that the client can clearly see will address their needs and objectives. The key is to strategize and present this information in a way that addresses their questions and concerns before you ask for their business.

HELPFUL QUESTIONS FOR THE CLIENT NEEDS ASSESSMENT:

1. From your perspective, what would be a valuable way for us to spend this time together? 

2. What would be useful for you to know about our firm? 

3. What prompted your interest in our meeting? 

4. In talking to my clients in your industry, I'm struck by a couple of particular issues they are grappling with. These include: [give examples]. How would these resonate with you and your management? 

5. How is your organization reacting to. . .? (a recent, important development in this client's industry or function) 

6. How are you handling. . .? (new competition, low-cost imports, a new regulatory framework, etc.) 

7. Is there is a particular competitor you admire? 

8. Can you tell me what your biggest priorities are for this year? 

9. What are your most significant opportunities for growth over the next several years? 

10. What exactly do you mean when you say. . .? (“risk-averse”, “dysfunctional”, “challenging,” etc.) 

11. Who would you say are your most valuable customers? 

12. What would your best customers say are the main reasons they do business with you? 

13. Why do customers stay with you? 

14. Why do customers leave? 

15. When customers complain, what do they say? 

16. How have your customers’ expectations changed over the past five years? 

17. How would you describe the biggest challenges facing your own customers? 

18. What's the driving force behind this particular initiative? (What is behind the drive to reduce costs, design a new organization, etc.?) 

19. What would “better” (risk management, organizational effectiveness, etc.) look like? 

20. How did you reach the decision to seek outside help? 

21. How much agreement is there, internally, about the problem and the possible solutions? 

22. From your perspective, given everything we've discussed, what would be a helpful follow-up to this meeting?

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